For many such clients, we are their first legitimate shot at a safe and nurturing relationship. Repetition compulsion drives them to unconsciously seek out relationships in adulthood that traumatically reenact the abusive and/or abandoning dynamics of their childhood caretakers. Many of the clients who come through my door have never had a safe enough relationship. If we are not skilled enough to create the degree of safety they need to begin the long journey towards developing good enough trust, we may be their last. When it comes to relating, they are often plagued by debilitating social anxiety-and social phobia when they are at the severe end of the continuum of CPTSD.įor many clients, we are their first legitimate shot at a safe and nurturing relationship. Those with CPTSD-spawned attachment disorders never learn the communication skills that engender closeness and a sense of belonging. No wonder, people always tell me that I don’t seem to have much to say for myself.”
Anything I said could and would be used against me. In the paraphrased words of more than one of my clients: “Talking to Mom was like giving ammunition to the enemy.
There is no one to even practice the all-important intimacy-building skills of conversation. No one is safe enough to shine with, to do “show and tell” with, and to be reflected as a subject of pride. There is no one to cry to, to protest unfairness to, and to seek compassion from for hurts, mistakes, accidents, and betrayals. No one is safe enough to go to for comfort or help in times of trouble. No one is there for reflection, validation and guidance. It makes them easily triggerable into the abandonment mélange of overwhelming fear and shame that tangles up with the depressed feelings of being abandoned.Ī child, with parents who are unable or unwilling to provide safe enough attachment, has no one to whom she can bring her whole developing self. Recurring abuse and neglect habituates children to living in fear and sympathetic nervous system arousal. They were dangerous by contemptuous voice or heavy hand, or more insidiously, dangerous by remoteness and indifference. In the psychoeducational phases of working with traumatized clients, I typically describe attachment disorder as the result of growing up with primary caretakers who were regularly experienced as dangerous. For more information about treating Complex PTSD (CPTSD) and managing emotional flashbacks, read a previously published article by Pete Walker here.Īttachment Disorder and Complex PTSD Many traumatologists see attachment disorder as one of the key symptoms of Complex PTSD.
Editor's Note: Following is an adapted excerpt from Pete Walker’s latest book, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving-A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma.
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